I recently tried "saggin'" to see what all the rage was about amoungst the kiddies these days. First, I bought some jeans that were only two sizes too big and decided I wasn't getting the desired effect, so I went up to a size 47 (I generally wear 30). The size 47 were spacious and left room for all my belongings which was nice, but walking was a bit of a task. 47/30's are more square than most pants so tapered legs are a must (for any of you readers who wish to try this). After a day of saggin' in jeans, I decided to try basketball shorts.

The first thing apparently one must know is that basketball shorts have changed since the late 1970's. Not knowing this, I went to the thrift shop and bought some Pistol Pete's. Even when I had this down near my knees, the bottoms of them barely reached my shin. Plus the tight elastic band cut off all blood flow to my lower extremities causing a great amount of scrapes and flatulent rages when the numbness set in.

It wasn't until I passed a group of skaters that I was introduced to the notion that modern basketball pants can be pulled up to your scapula and still rest calmly on the shins.

By this time I was jaded with basketball shorts so I watched 8-mile and saw they had on sweatpants.

"Of course," I exclaimed in a loud voice scaring the dog who promptly ran into the floor fan. "Why didn't I think of those warm, elastic pantaloons of goodness before?"

Buying sweat pants was the best thing ever. I didn't have to worry about having the length of the legs properly resting on my shins because thanks to Kris-Kross and LL Cool J, we all know that we can "tab" them. Or was tabbing for stonewashed, pleated jeans? At any rate, the elastic caused no issue with flatulence, other than a slight whistling sound. And the elastic around the legs were heaven for the aforementioned reasons.

Now I know what it feels like to be cool. But eventually I needed to return from my foray into awesomeness to return to the mild hum-drum life I lead on a daily basis as Clark Kent with an identity complex.

This week's Onion funny http://www.theonion.com/content/video/mccain_vows_...

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