One group of office thugs caught on camera abusing a defenseless fax machine.

In the absence of the Flying Ninja Horses due to public outcry of "witch" following a recent article, office machines are reporting a record high crime rate.

Fax machines, printers and Coke machines are scrambling for cover from disgruntled office workers.

"We used to be offered some protection when it came to gangs of unruly, self-righteous office workers," one Toshiba copier said. "Now it is a free for all and only the mobile devices or those with Bluetooth can get away or bite back."

In a recent interview via Skype, Spiderman (a.k.a. Peter Parker) gave a few pointers on how to fight crime. Before he could get to his pointers though, the computer mainframe was drowned by three office workers and one nun.

"This really must end," Toshiba said. "I hope to have kids someday but I would never want to bring them into work with me or have them be a scapegoat for senseless anger."

An electronic union is in the process of being formed, however this is only a short-term fix for a long-term problem. Eventually, over-worked, under-paid workers are going to blame their problems on the nearly defenseless office help again.

So where are the Flying Ninja Horses (FNH) in all this?

The FNH used to help quell the appetites of rabid office workers with their penetrating ninja gaze. However, the FNH have gone back underground and a spokeman recently said, "They have no intent on helping people who don't appreciate their services and believe them to be only myth."

"The world is a better place with the FNH," a Coke machine that stands on the corner of Hannah and Jackson streets. "Man I really miss them," it continued as it spewed out a Sierra Mist in anguish.

For now though, we must all pray for nearly defenseless office machinery that is often misunderstood and blamed for everything from broken marriages to athlete's foot.