Lying in the bed I inflated

Here is an incomplete list of things that don't work for patching a hole in an air mattress:

- Elmer's glue
- Packaging tape
- Duct tape
- Electrical tape
- Rubber cement
- The patches that come with the mattress

Inflatable beds are (probably) not designed to be slept on every night, and certainly not designed to support 215 pounds of stud reporter every night. Mine (3 years old) has given a valiant effort but the five holes are now beginning to cause me serious doubts about the bed's future.

When I wake up each morning* I'm engulfed by a pile of blankets and pillows and plastic and hope.

Here is a complete list of the furniture I brought with me on the move to Bainbridge three months ago: (2) card tables, (4) folding chairs, (1) oversized beanbag, (1) inflatable mattress that has (5) holes in it, (1) TV tray and (6) cardboard boxes.

In the last few weeks I've even spoiled myself. I bought (new) futon and (a used, broken) chair. I also built some shelves out of wooden planks and cinder blocks.

It's a bit posh, but I will tolerate nothing less. What else can a single guy in his 20s ask for**?

A real mattress would be nice, I guess. But I'm not sure mattresses are right for me.

I've been blessed to have my own bed for my entire life, and most of those beds have been spring mattresses on box springs.

This is the same way most people with a bed sleep.

But I'm a bit of a contrarian***. If most people do something one way, I generally think it's the wrong way to do it, so I try to do the opposite.

Since most people who have a bed have the same type, it must be the wrong way to sleep****.

I've only begun to conceive other possible ways to sleep. The inflatable variety is certainly a change, though it is not particularly sustainable.

It might be fun to string up a hammock across my 'bed' room.

But I'm starting to think I want something crazy.

My preliminary vision is to have a sort of oversized, elevated dog bed. I'm still in the planning phases and I'm not sure about any of the logistics, but that seems constructable*****.

For now, though, I'm going to fight the good fight with my sieve of an air bed.

I haven't yet tried patching the holes with spackling.

___

(*) Exception: when I sleep for only 2 hours.
(**) Editor's note: This blog is written for a "family audience."
(***) This works extremely well on ESPN.com's "Streak for the Cash", so I expanded it to other aspects of my life.
(****) Wikipedia thinks they have been used since the 1930s. It's also possible that I'm just jealous of people who sleep a bed that doesn't leak.
(*****) Not a real word.