Glad to see you all made it through the eclipse. The way some of yens carried on, you’d think the world was fixin’ to end.
Just to rub it in that your Monday was really never any worse off than it usually is, here are news stories of things that you also shouldn’t fret yourself about.
A man in China went to the hospital for a severe earache, only to learn that the cause was a gecko that had crawled into his ear. Doctors are hoping it was tailless to begin with because the tail did not come out with it.
Also in China, a man was riding his scooter on a city street when a large sinkhole opened in front of him. He had no time to avoid it because he was looking at his cellphone. He was uninjured.
The 29th annual World’s Ugliest Dog Contest has named a neapolitan mastiff named Martha as this year’s winner. Although she did not sign herself up, the dog received $1,500 and a trip to New York just for being ugly.
A 61-year-old woman in New Hampshire asked for help on a community Facebook page after she became trapped in her swimming pool. The ladder had broken.
A man was forced to pull a small “Dukes of Hazzard” after a drawbridge he was crossing started rising while he and his family were driving on it. A large vessel had been trying to cross under the bridge and its radio was down, and the bridge operator hadn’t been sure there was no one on the bridge.
The man said he would not be crossing the bridge again.
Finally, a Florida family was mysteriously gifted with a 15-pound bag of ham and sausage when it landed on their roof. When asked about the incident by Jimmy Kimmel, the man said, “I think the only logical answer is a North Korean sausage missile.”