Caine Gardner is the former sports editor and remains the BG film critic. He is also a Master of Panic.

Wookie Hooky

Posted Thursday, April 3, 2008, at 11:59 PM

Every saga has a beginning

As I write this, there are 21 hours until the network premiere of the beginning of the Star Wars saga on Spike TV. I will be in the office working when "The Phantom Menace" begins but I've concocted a plan.

It's a little something I like to call Wookie Hooky.

I'll be at a game until sevenish, get back to the office, hit my pages hard and take my lunch break at 8 p.m. Mysteriously the exact same time "Menace" starts. **Wink, wink**

I've worked through some other scenarios but I can't afford a stunt double, and the bag of Doritos I bribed my comrades with is losing its luster, I suspect. So now I have to resort to what any respectable Star Wars fan would do -- Wookie Hooky.

Wookie Hooky is an affliction that affects most Star Wars fans at some point in their lives. It's a condition that comes on quick, sometimes without prior symptoms, and leaves the person unable to perform the most menial tasks for at least 24 hours. There are rumored cures but most are too exotic to attempt. So rest and relaxation is the only way to improve one's condition. In the event of a Star Wars film in theaters, I highly recommend that all people involved with these persons avoid watching news broadcasts of any sorts. In the off chance they do watch the news, if they show ravenous people outside movies theaters -- turn the channel. We don't need that in our homes. **Wink**

Now as I end this, there are 20 hours, 46 minutes and 37 second…36 seconds…35 seconds… Forget it.

"Menace" starts at 8 p.m. May The Force Be With You.