I feel like a death has occurred in my family. My 17 year-old son quit the high school basketball team yesterday. He has dreamed of playing on the varsity team since he was a small boy sitting in the stands. I respect his decision but as a parent of a child who has been playing a sport he loved since he was four years old, I am saddened.

It makes me think about "do over's." Later on this year, or next year, or in 25 years will he wish he could have a "do over" and play his junior and senior year on the varsity team? How many times in life do we make a decision that is a milestone one and wish we could go back and "do it over?"

We can't live our children's lives and I sure don't want to see my son unhappy throughout another basketball season but I hate to see the joy he has always had and the love of the game fade.

High school athletics are tough today. Many coaches teach a different game based on shooting skills. They talk defense but don't seem to know how to teach the kids to play it. Both pieces play a major part in a good solid team. You have to be able to hit the shots and you have to be able to block them out.

You also have to inspire your kids to play to their potential. I wouldn't want to be a coach. It's a tough job. It takes a lot of time and may give little gratification. But, oh when you can inspire a kid to stretch beyond his limits it must be a feeling like no other. And, it must be hard to have kids who have trained for years drop off the team. That must be a low like no other to know that something you've done has not given something to a kid but taken it away.

I imagine coaches also have a lot of "do over" thoughts. How do you give a kid back his dream when it's gone dim? Especially under your watch?

My kid is tough too. He has played on sprained ankles, shin splints and with broken fingers. He runs and works out everyday, even during the summer. He considers running on the Cross Country team and Track teams as conditioning for basketball. He's not a great player but he works hard to be a good player.

But yesterday he gave up his dream despite all his work. He'll play AAU and intramural but it isn't the same as Indiana High School basketball.

And, he is just one of many on a long list of kids who have given up playing for this high school team. Most were good kids who had heart too. But the heart was taken out of the game for them by the varsity coaching staff. You can't talk the talk and not walk it. You receive respect when you give it.

My father who played for Indiana University in the 40's was a team player. He was one of the kids who was above average but not great. He hit a last minute shot winning a sectional game but he never spoke about it much. Instead he talked about his coach and his team and how important it was that they functioned as a team. No one individual more important than another, much like the movie "Hoosiers" which is based on the Milan team who won the state title way back when basketball was Indiana.

And, to the day he died my father quoted his high school coach. He also quoted Johnny Wooden who knew my dad. Wooden remembered him as a small town kid from Martinsville, IN who had heart. A few years ago, a family member interviewed Wooden and mentioned my dad to him.

Wooden said he remembered "Bob Rowland had heart." And, Wooden added, "he had some great coaches who focused on team play. That's how they won game after game. Their team had heart."

My kid, like his grandfather has heart. It is a sad state of affairs that it may have taken more heart for him to go than to stay. He just has no desire to feel beaten down after every practice and every game. What coaches say and do and don't say and do, have a great impact on the kids they coach. It takes a very special person to influence teenagers in anything. My kid walks away from this team, I am sure, feeling cheated and worrying that he is cheating his teammates. When a kid with this much heart leaves a team, there surely is a void.

And, I feel cheated and my husband feels cheated. We love the game of basketball and we love watching our son play. We are losing a dream too.

My kid should probably have played in the 70's. That is more his style of game. Defense and hitting your foul shots make or break a game. I find it sad that the game has evolved into a three-point shooting game. Sometimes I wish they would revoke that three-point shot. Still, my son's team has some terrific three-point shooters who have saved many a game.

He has only praise for his teammates and hopes this is the season they win a sectional. He'll be there in the stands cheering them on. And, as his parents, we'll be standing proudly behind him supporting his decision and hoping it brings no regrets, no second thoughts and no desire for a "do over."