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Growing number of grandparents raising grandkids
Toni McClurg has two grown daughters.
She spent her 20s and 30s raising her girls, assuming that when they were adults her parenting years would be over.
But at 54, McClurg has found herself in a position many people her age have -- she is the primary caregiver for two of her grandchildren.
Since 2000, McClurg's two grandsons, Juan, 11, and Alex, 8, have lived with her. The family now resides in rural Greencastle, and the boys both attend Fillmore Elementary School.
McClurg took guardianship of the boys when her younger daughter, now 28, and the boys' father were both dealing with severe substance abuse issues.
"She brought them to me," McClurg said.
McClurg is not alone in her situation. According to the Web site grandparenting.org, in the year 1970, 2,214,000 children under 18 lived in grandparent-headed households, with the mother present in half of these households. By the year 1997, this number was reported as 5,435,000, or 7.7 percent of all children in the United States.
"Although official census estimates made in the year 2000 hint the number to be more than 6 million, it does not present the full picture," the site said. "We estimate that the number of children being raised by grandparents in America today, part- or full-time, is now close to 8 million."
Through the years, McClurg has met many other grandparents who are raising their grandchildren. She is organizing a support group, which will meet for the first time at her home on Nov. 18.
"I'd like to eventually go non-profit," she said. "I need to find someone to help me write grants."
Another of McClurg's visions is to help bring about changes in legislature that would allow grandparents who are raising their grandchildren to receive more state and federal aid.
"If I hadn't taken the boys; if they had gone into the system, someone would have been getting money for them," she said. "A lot of times, comfortably retired grandparents end up going through all their retirement savings when they become guardians for their grandchildren. I want to lobby to change laws. I want it to be easier for grandparents to receive the benefits that foster parents get."
Aside from the financial aspect, raising grandchildren can alter other areas of a person's life.
"It changes your whole social life," McClurg said. "I can't really date, because my grandchildren come first. And most men my age are done raising their kids … they don't want to start over."
McClurg, who runs her own cleaning business, said she does have strong family support. She has a sister who lives in the area, as does her older daughter and her family.
"My daughter is real strong and has been a tremendous help," McClurg said. "She has problems with her sister, but she knows this is what's best for the boys."
Their situation has taken a toll on Juan and Alex, who are both in counseling to deal with anger and abandonment issues.
"They do love their mother," McClurg said. "But as they get older, they do wonder why she's not raising them. Juan has ADHD (attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder), but he excels at sports. Alex is a straight-A student, but he acts out with anger."
The boys' caseworker is Hazel Proctor of Cummins Behavioral Health.
"I've been compiling numbers, and so far I have 38 grandparents in our area who are raising their grandchildren," she said. "For Putnam County, that's a huge number."
In counseling, Proctor sees grandparent-raised children who have a number of issues to deal with.
"Many times, it boils down to the grandparents overdoing it out of guilt," she said. "Whether the parents aren't there because of death, incarceration or some other reason, the grandparents want to do everything for the child because they've already been through so much. These children get into a loving, stable environment, and they don't know how to adjust. Their problems actually stem form the fact that they've been given everything -- they don't have an appreciation for what they have or for working for things."
Children being raised by their grandparents are also acutely aware that their caregivers are older than their parents.
"They worry about what will happen to them when Grandma or Pawpaw dies," she said.
Even with all her struggles, McClurg has never regretted taking in her grandsons.
"People tell me they couldn't do what I've done, and I just think, 'What do you mean you couldn't do it?'" she said. "They're my grandchildren. What else was I going to do?"
McClurg smiled, looking much younger than her 54 years.
"The benefits far outweigh anything else," she said. "I still have two little boys. I get to wake up on Christmas morning, and they're there, so it's still exciting. They keep me young in mind and body."
For more information about the Nov. 18 meeting, call McClurg at (317) 412-6413.