DAZE WORK: Left in the dark by the light bulb revolution

Nestled into the big, comfy chair in front of the TV the other evening, I was enjoying a bit of a guilty entertainment pleasure -- “The Mystery of Oak Island” -- played out in a perfect low-light setting for the occasion.

It was then I realized the three living room lamps that surround me like a Bermuda Triangle of illumination all were dialed down to their lowest three-way bulb setting. I like that ambiance.

While I prefer the softer, lower light, Chopper the Wonder Dog thinks he needs the room lit up like an airplane runway, so the compromise often settles on the middle setting until my eyes grow weary and I dial it back.

But a funny thing happened the other night as no mystery was unraveling on Oak Island. First the bulb in the lamp on the table to the left of me popped and went dark. That bulb was a goner regardless of which setting was tried. And not 10 minutes later, the same thing happened to the lamp on the old radio cabinet in the corner of the room. Poof. All gone. Kind of eerie.

Fear of the electrical system in my 90-year-old house sets in.

Now I really hadn’t thought a whole lot about it before going to the store get replacement bulbs but it seems buying light bulbs has become as frustrating as picking that perfect loaf in the Kroger bread aisle or sorting through all the pop options in the soft drink section.

Way too many choices. Information overload.

Granted, I remember there being chatter about incandescent bulbs going the way of the VHS tape but I paid little attention, what with a hoard of them to my name. But that was before I moved into an old house and used them all up in dark closets and ceiling light fixtures.

So it was I found myself in the electrical aisle, transfixed in front of a myriad of LED bulbs looking more like back-up lights for the Millennium Falcon than something to illuminate my living room. I didn’t know which way to turn.

I need a three-way, I suddenly heard myself saying (insert own joke here). Or maybe I just enjoy saying “three-way” out loud.

Indeed I came looking for a couple of three-way replacement bulbs. Last time I bought them they were about $1.59 apiece. Now here’s a 30-70-100 watt model for $12.88. Apparently I may need a home improvement loan just to stock up on light bulbs.

The sales clerk wandering past was quick to point out that the bulb in question is supposed to last 22 years.

That’s great, but do I really need a light bulb that potentially could outlive me?

A GE version of the same bulb is $19.99, while the 50-100-150 variety runs $24.99. Geez, I once bought a car for 25 bucks.

Heck, a simple four-pack of LED “daylight” bulbs is $13.99. Inflation is apparently illuminating.

Don’t get me wrong, I fully understand we’re in the midst of a lighting technology revolution. It’s out with the old incandescent bulbs -- basically unchanged and a staple of life since Thomas Alva Edison’s days -- and in with the new LED bulbs that give off nearly an identical warm light while using just 9.5 watts of electricity.

In other words, you get essentially the same amount of light as an incandescent bulb provides while using just 16 percent of the electricity needed before.

And just like Elton John’s Rocket Man, let me say, “all this science, I don’t understand.” It may not be my job five days a week but it‘s my home all seven days, and I do like it lighted.

Not about to invest the family inheritance in light bulbs for the future, I get the bright idea to head home to scrounge around for stray bulbs. I know I had some when I moved in this place a year ago.

And there under the bathroom sink for some reason, I discover three three-ways (still sounds funny), the 50-100-150 versions I’d purchased at Dollar General long before this light bulb revolution took hold.

Feeling enlightened, I use two of them and stash the other like a hoarder.

Only then, literally moments after all three lamps have been lighted again, the third living-room bulb snaps, crackles and pops to its electrical demise.

And darned if I’m not in the dark again.

Yep, The Lord said, “let there be light” all right. He just didn’t tell us which bulbs to buy.