DAZE WORK: We didn’t stop the virus, it might be catchy

Monday, December 14, 2020

Hoosier comedian Jim Gaffigan said recently that if 2020 were a song, it would be “Hotel California” by the Eagles.

Because, as he mused, “you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.”

You can’t argue with that.

And while it seems quite astute, I’ll see your “Hotel California” and raise you a Hot Pocket and a Billy Joel tune.

No, not the famous “Piano Man” -- which I actually had to karaoke with Dan Doan on a city-sponsored trip to Japan -- but Joel’s quixotic “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”

Only instead of starting with Joel’s lyrics “Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray” or using the famous chorus ...

“We didn’t start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world’s been turning ...”

We offer up our own 2020 update.

How about a drum roll, please, for ...

We Didn’t Stop the Virus ...

Pandemic, quarantine,
Mask up, no vaccine,
Essential workers, aren’t we all?
Stay at home, that’s the call

Fever’s high, body aches,
Sense of smell has gone away
Pick up curbside, PPEs
It’s sweat pants that we wear all day

Social distance, stimulus check,
TP shortage, what the heck?
COVID hair, cut your own
Aren’t you glad you’ve got a phone

Hand sanitizing ‘til you bleed
Something else we didn’t need
Schools closed, e-Learning time
Check the modem, make it rhyme

It’s been always churning since
those first weak warnings.
‘Rona, ‘Rona, my Corona,
No, we didn’t fake it
but we couldn’t stop it

No summer concerts on square,
Fair parade’s a big despair
Pool’s closed, fireworks off,
Elbow bumps are all we’ve got

Virus steals Monon Bell,
It’s enough to make you yell
Yearning for a bit of normal
Sense of taste is gone as well

Banner’s printing twice a week,
Taste of Greencastle? Not a thing
First Friday, gone away,
What else do we have to say.

Virus costs us Mike TZ,
Coach Nick and Jim Headley
Tell me now it’s just a ruse
When it’s folks like these we have to lose

It’s been always churning since
those first weak warnings.
‘Rona, ‘Rona, my Corona,
No we didn’t fake it
but we couldn’t stop it

Donald Trump or Joe Biden
Election we thought would never end
Fake news, election fraud,
New prez Joe Biden back again

Virtual this, virtual that
Bars are open, bars are closed
Meetings canceled, meetings go,
Zoom, Zoom, Zoom is all we know

Lonely, lonely, sick of baloney
No pizza time on Bridges roof,
Change shortage, murder hornets,
Ventilators on the way

No Thanksgiving turkey feast,
Canceling Christmas too
Would only help to raise our ire
2020’s nothing but a dumpster fire

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  • That took a lot of thought....It's all so true. You did a great job. Billy Joel would be proud.

    -- Posted by Queen53 on Tue, Dec 15, 2020, at 9:42 AM
  • Cute. ThanksEric

    -- Posted by Nit on Tue, Dec 15, 2020, at 2:49 PM
  • Brilliant!

    -- Posted by Rainbow6 on Tue, Dec 15, 2020, at 8:47 PM
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