Stepping it up

The TrekDesk is the perfect gift for the breadwinner (and bread eater) in your life if you are running a little short on cash and are looking for something that will be immediately returned. It's a portable work station (desk, shelves, laptop accouterments) that you set up over your treadmill. That assumes you have a treadmill; otherwise, you can just use your TrekDesk for a storage area like you do with your pool table or as a rack for old clothing like your exercise bike. Oh, and it also assumes you have a job. You can see why sales have been slow the last few years.

Once in place, the TrekDesk allows you to exercise as you conduct business whether at home or the office. The manufacturer suggests you can email, talk on the phone and surf the net, all the time your legs are in a constant frenzy. This is not a novel concept. The idea of getting nowhere at work has been around for centuries.

Scientists proved the value of this product by injecting mice with fat molecules which were more easily metabolized by the rodents when they were walking than when they were sitting. This created quite a stir in the laboratory because no one had ever seen a mouse sitting.

How much weight you lose depends on a number of factors. For example, people who put Evian water or sharpened pencils in the cup holder seemed to fare better than those who used it for ranch dressing to dip their Chicken McNuggets.

On the desk's website, we learn that our bodies evolved millions of years ago to walk 30-35 miles a day in search of food. Then the wheel was invented, followed by the dining room table. Next came the chaise lounge, the golf cart and finally the TV remote. That's pretty much how we all ended up in pants with elastic waistbands.

The company site is also replete with customer comments and questions.

Dear TrekDesk,

I don't like to read while moving. Reading in the car has always made me a little nauseous. I also seem to run a lot of red lights.

Dear TrekDesk,

I am concerned about using your product at the office. I overheard my boss tell someone that in the three years I've been working there, I still haven't broken a sweat. I'd hate to end that perfect record.

But here's my favorite...

Dear Trek Disk,

I a m typ emg this e mail whike wakkin g on my treadm ill. I thnk y ou ha ve a great prdu ct. Tanks.

Not a walker? Don't despair. Some data suggests it may be possible to lose weight in ways not traditionally thou-ght of, such as "working out." Walking on that treadmill is fine, of course, but people who fidget in their chairs, for example, are considered to be in an alternative weight-loss program.

When I heard this I wanted to know more. How about my leg shaking up and down at dinner; my constant head scratching, or my inappropriate facial expressions? Would those count as exercises? I always turn my head when a pretty girl walks down the street. With 50 years' experience post-puberty, I must have lost a few pounds just doing that.

Of course, the bottom line is that walking may still be the best exercise. But instead of spending $495.00 for a TrekDesk, I put my treadmill next to the dining room table, set the ramp speed on high and jogged as I feasted on a cheeseburger and fries. I was in the mood for fast food.