Pyramid schemes abound in Egypt
It took us 24 hours to get to Egypt.
It took us 24 hours to get home.
This is the worst part of any trip. I prefer the way Captain Kirk and Captain Picard bounced around the solar system.
Think about it: One moment it's Star Date 4024.56 and suddenly it's Star Date 4024.58.
How time flies.
After arriving at the speed of light on Angina 4, everyone was in good health, despite some mild chest discomfort. And you never heard anyone complain about rocket lag.
Not only that, the crew of the Enterprise could share a meal with their archenemy from another galaxy, even drink some of their tap water, but there was never a case of Romulan revenge.
If there was, I missed that episode.
Once we arrived in Cairo, we spent an exhausting day looking at the pyramids.
Everyone wanted to know how they were built. Sam, our Egyptologist and guide, said nobody really knew.
Then we asked him how they made mummies. Sam said that had been a secret for ages.
I inquired how Tutankhamun died. Sam said this was also unknown.
I asked him how I could become a guide because this seemed like the kind of job I'd be really good at.
I was a little annoyed at myself that first day for being a complainer. We had traipsed around the Sphinx and the pyramids for less than an hour and I started carping about how hot and it arid was.
What a wuss I am. Forty minutes in the desert and I'm whining.
Moses? Forty years: Not a kvetch.
At our age, my wife and I were careful about overexertion.
I think running to the bathroom in Cairo was the most aerobic thing we did.
I ventured out on a 20-minute camel ride, but it took 10 of those minutes for the guy to hoist me up onto the camel and eight minutes to lower me down.
Your ride time may vary.
Because I have a bad knee, I had trouble keeping up with our group, so I eavesdropped on other tours getting their lectures in Arabic, French and German. I didn't understand a word, but no matter, because when it's in English I forget everything by the time I'm back on the bus, anyway.
Remembering anything on vacations has always been a problem for me. Mary Ellen will show me photos of us standing in front of the Eiffel Tower and I have no real recollection of ever being in Paris.
Did I enjoy our trip to Rome several years ago? I have no idea. I'll have to ask my wife.
When we got back from Egypt, I called as many people as I could, while everything was fresh in my mind. "Bob, it's Dick. We just walked in the house. Let me tell you about our trip."
"Can you call me tomorrow? It's three in the morning."
"No, I can't, because I'm going to forget a lot of stuff by then."
When purchasing gifts for people like Bob, it's very easy to be taken advantage of. At one shop in Aswan, the owner was touting what a good buy his sculptures were: Al-a-baster, AL-A-BASTER, he proclaimed. I bought five. When I got home I discovered the truth: Al-a-plaster...AL-A-PLASTER. Our friends enjoyed getting a gift made in a foreign land, even if that land was China or Taiwan.
The bottom line is that we had a great time. I know it's hard to believe that, based on this column. But we really did.
At least that's what my wife told me.