DAZE WORK: Cut off from the rest of the world

Ten days without internet or cable TV. That’s enough to make a grown man cry. Or at least gripe and moan.

I know, I know, there are worse things in life.

I could live in Kansas. Or be a White Sox fan. Or my power could have been off, which would mean no heat and no lights as well as no cable TV/internet.

OK, maybe there aren’t any worse things.

Over the past 10 days, I’ve been waiting on my cable provider to detect the problem that’s left me cut off from the rest of civilization.

I’m not going to tell you who they are, but their initials are Com and Cast. Its recorded message first told me they knew there was an outage in my neighborhood and were doing their darnedest to fix things as fast as they could. I’m sure that’s what they told the captain of The Titanic when he radioed for help. You know ... “Your call is very important to us ...”

So as the first night of my return to the stone ages coincided with Game 6 of the World Series, I was huddled next to an old portable radio I dug out of the closet with more dust than volume, listening to the play by play through miles of static like it was 1939. Did someone just call them the Brooklyn Dodgers? In case the news is getting to you slowly as well, the Los Angeles Dodgers did win it all in Game 6.

On Day 2, it became apparent there was no outage and my problem was my problem.

Initially they said the earliest appointment would be Nov. 11. Remember, this was Oct. 27. I squawked and pleaded.

Been working from home three days a week, I told them. Going that long without internet would impossible for me. Good thing I wasn’t having an e-learning day.

So they scheduled me for a confirmed appointment on Nov. 5. But just to tease me, they put me on the “wait list.” All I did was wait and wait some more.

So listening to the radio, searching for sports talk amid the static became my nightly routine. Come home from work, grab a drink from the fridge and hunker down with my old Realistic radio, hoping for a clear channel that wasn’t Spanish-speaking or spreading the gospel of Rush Limbaugh or talking about refinancing my mortgage.

Days came and went, and when the weekend arrived, I realized it was going to be the audio version of football for me.

When I heard Indiana won a football game at Rutgers and was ranked 13th in the country, I knew I’d somehow tapped into Doc Brown’s gigawatts and was back in 1939.

When the NFL schedule kicked off that Sunday, I was stuck with Colts radio instead of the TV broadcast. At least the Colts won. The broadcast was less than stellar. Come home, Bob Lamey, all is forgiven.

Missed some of my favorite TV shows, too. I hear Richard Kimble finally caught up with the one-armed man. And the American Pickers finally got lost in some hoarder’s house.

Nightly after that I began to read. Not that I don’t read, but I read all day long at work, researching and editing. Usually the last thing I want to do when I get home at night is read some more.

But I began to devour the newspaper I had just helped put together. The Kroger ad. Junk mail. Anything.

Finally got into the bio “24” about Willie Mays that my sister bought me for my birthday last July. It’s a good read, as is the autobiography I’m also reading by sportswriter Jim Murray, a truly witty guy with a great gift for words. I’m s-o-o-o-o-o jealous.

Then last Tuesday rolled around. Eight days now without TV or internet at home. It was a pretty big news day. Election Day, in case you hadn’t heard.

A long day. We were here at the newspaper office until after 11 p.m., writing and posting local news stories about the winners and the numbers.

It was time to go home and follow perhaps the closest presidential election in our lifetime. The old radio cracked and squeaked. Clear channels there were not this night.

Twisting and turning the antenna and listening through the static, I’m pretty sure someone said FDR had won re-election. Doggone it, I had my money on Alf Landon.

Well, the cable is fixed now after 10 days. The technician (Gary, I believe) was great. He even called and came early about 10 a.m. instead of forcing me to wait for my assigned 2-5 p.m. slot.

Just in time, too. I hear the president’s planning a fireside chat. That ought to look swell on my TV.

And I was thinking, maybe there’s a column in it.