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Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes (lessons from toddlers)
Most of you realize by now that the stage of life we are living in is full of changes: employment, relationships, housing, skills and abilities, and last, but not least, health. My experience with aging has included changes in all of these areas, and has tested all of the coping skills that I have worked so hard to acquire. Imagine my delight as I watch my toddler grandchildren (twin girls) grow, and I observe their skills adapting to changes in their lives.
Here are a few of the lessons they are reminding me to practice.
Patience - Last fall they were learning to walk. I was amazed at how many times they fell, and fell again, and fell again. I would have been saying, “This walking is too hard; I quit.” But they continued trying again and again every day. It was a challenge for them, and they seemed to take it in stride, with very little complaining or whining about how hard this developmental task was to learn.
Practice - Once they acquired this skill, they didn’t stop doing it and go on to something else. They kept on practicing. When I want to try something new, I often expect to get it right away and forget the importance of practice, practice, practice.
Sleep - When these girls are tired everyone knows it, and naptime or bedtime can’t come soon enough to give everyone a break. What a difference sleeping and even resting can make in our attitudes and emotions. It’s a new day and a fresh outlook. Sleep is still important to us as we age. Our brains need the recovery time from all the input of the day before. Making good sleep part of our self-care routine is an important part of healthy aging. And I do love a good nap!
Self-soothing - When strong emotions get the better of my granddaughters, they each have favorite strategies: binky (pacifier), fingers, and hair twirling. I am not advocating these strategies for adults, but we all need some techniques for handling strong emotions in a healthy way. My favorites for self-soothing are deep breathing and walking, preferably in the woods. Maybe you like to cook or clean or garden, or go for a drive and play loud music. This could be a time for your spiritual practice.
I chose to reference a great David Bowie song for the title of this article. Here are some more lyrics from that song: “Turn and face the strange. Ch-ch changes ... Time may change me. But I can’t trace time.” Rather than avoid changes or pretend that they aren’t happening, all the good behavioral health advice says to acknowledge difficulties and face them. I hope to face times of change and struggle with the practice of equanimity. In her book, “We Were Made for These Times,” Kaira Jewel Lingo describes this process as “to look around, to see all around, like from a high mountain, to see all sides.” She further describes the practice as “a willingness to see things afresh, with new eyes.” May we all face the changes in our lives, make peace with them, and learn these lessons from our toddler grandchildren.