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Hurricane names in the eye of the storm

Posted Wednesday, July 20, 2011, at 1:31 PM

Dora's out exploring Acapulco.

Bret is in The Caribbean. No, Bret's out of The Caribbean. Now he's back ... apparently he'll decide later on where he's going.

And yo, Adrian has already made a rocky visit to the Pacific.

But we're not talking about a cartoon explorer, a washed-up NFL quarterback or Rocky Balboa's ex.

We're talking hurricanes. Or at least hurricane names.

Let us not confuse them with recent celebrity baby names, which have created a storm of criticism all their own -- Harper Seven Beckham, Bluebell Halliwell (seriously, that's the daughter of Spice Girl Geri Halliwell), Jermajesty Jackson (Jermaine's kid, proving Michael didn't corner the market on crazy) and the absolute worst ever, Pilot Inspektor Lee (offspring of Jason "My Name is Earl" Lee).

And judging by the list of names the National Hurricane Center has attached to upcoming 2011-16 storms, we're also getting awfully close to exhausting proper monikers for our hurricanes.

I mean, how intimidating will Hurricane Cindy be? Think Cindy Brady. And she'll be followed in this year's Atlantic order by Don, Emily, Franklin, Gert, Harvey and Tammy.

In the Pacific this year we can also plan on Eugene, Hilary, Irwin, Kenneth, Max, Pilar, Selma, Todd, York and Zelda.

The Atlantic, over the 2011-16 period, will see Ophelia, Oscar, Olga, Omar, Odette and Otto. But not Oprah. Yet talk about a mighty wind!

And no LeBron to take his talents to South Beach. Not even a Kobe beefing up for a run at the coast.

In the Pacific, 2013 shapes up as a banner year with not only Erick (finally!) but Flossie and Kiko, too. Then there's Alvin (without Theodore or Simon) and Velma (sorry, no Scooby or Shaggy).

In 2014 we'll get Boris (bad enough for you?), Dolly (hello!?!) and even Marco (Polo!).

But 2015 will be a headline writer's dream.

The Atlantic will see the likes of Grace (amazing!), Kate (kiss me!), Rose (by any other name?) and Victor (to whom the spoils go).

But the winner is in the Pacific that year. If we manage to find our way down to the W's, we will get Waldo.

Imagine the fun weather forecasters will have with that one. Where's Waldo? That little pun will become a staple of every weather report.

The Vegas over-under on the use of "Where's Waldo" in 2015 will start at a million.

So all that aside, perhaps it's time to quit naming storms. Think of how the innocent name Katrina has been ruined for a generation or more now. Does it always have to be Hurricane Harry (bearing down on Potterville)? Or Tropical Storm Stefan?

Can't we just simply say the season's second, third or fourth hurricane is bearing down on Bermuda? It's the eleventy-eleventh tropical storm?

I'm sure that would work. But then again, we'd miss out on Hurricane Waldo. And where's the fun in that?

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I just put down $50 for Waldo to hit Greencastle, 3-1 odds.

-- Posted by GRNT on Thu, Jul 21, 2011, at 8:48 PM

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A native of Chicago and a graduate of the University of Missouri, Eric Bernsee has enjoyed residing in Greencastle for more than 25 years. Years of consuming McDonald's iced teas, Dairy Castle flurries and Marvin's GCBs have helped make him the man he is today.
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