Hank Williams Jr. may no longer be ready for some football but apparently Madonna still is. Go figure ...
After months of speculation, the National Football League has finally confirmed that Madonna, 12 years short of achieving senior citizen status, will bring her tired old act to Indianapolis for the Super Bowl XLVI halftime show on Sunday, Feb. 5. That's so '80s.
Isn't it injustice enough that Lucas Oil Stadium will see the New England Patriots or Pittsburgh Steelers represent the AFC instead of the Indianapolis Colts? (Although think of the irony if it were the Baltimore Ravens! They could arrive in a fleet of Mayflower trucks in the middle of the night).
The NFL must have been desperately seeking someone when it turned to Madonna for a gig that has been reserved mostly for the likes of Paul McCartney, The Who, Bruce Springsteen, The Rolling Stones, Tom Petty and Prince since the infamous Janet Jackson "wardrobe malfunction."
Now the NFL is turning to the original wardrobe malfunction champ. The same woman who lip-locked Britney Spears, scandalizing the MTV Music Awards, will be right here on our stage.
What? They couldn't find Bob Seeger's phone number? Justin Bieber was too busy? John Mellencamp was too wrapped up chasing Meg Ryan? Wrong season for Henry Lee Summer?
I'm certainly not a big country music fan, but wouldn't middle America be better served by a halftime show featuring Brad Paisley or Kenny Chesney? Heck, it's Sunday night, so Faith Hill would be in play after waiting all day.
But no, Indianapolis gets the game of games and we're going to remember it as the night Madonna did a circus act with Cirque de Soleil.
I mean, when was Madonna last relevant? Back when the Indiana Pacers actually were? Back before cell phones and iPods? The Spice Girls are more now than that.
Heck if it's the '80s they want, let's get Duke Tomato. At least he could belt out an updated version of "Lord Love Our Colts."
Oh, it could be worse, I suppose ... I hear Kim Kardashian has a song out.