Just so you all know, I don't often get sick ... but when I do, I sure wish I could blame it on Dos Equis.
Yea, that certainly would be a much better cause-and-effect circumstance than what I've been dealing with the past 2-1/2 weeks.
It's the ravages of the common cold, not the aftereffects of Mexican beer that have hit me hard.
My head is so stuffy at times I feel like pingpong balls are jammed up my nostrils. I've coughed and coughed and coughed so long and hard, my diaphragm aches at every deep breath. And at this point, I can't taste anything but dextromethorphan.
I know that doesn't make me the most interesting man in the world. But hey, the position is apparently open now that the bearded gent in the Dos Equis commercials is being put out to pasture.
But like I said, getting sick usually isn't in my repertoire.
Oh sure, there's been the occasional 24-hour bug and even that weird bout of food poisoning in which I ordered the chicken quesadillas that tasted a little odd, but I chalked that up to tuna having been substituted (I know, who's ever heard of tuna quesadillas?).
But now I have apparently contracted "the Putnam County crud," as one physician friend called it over the weekend.
At this point, I'm into my fourth box of Mucinex tablets (or the Kroger knock-off thereof). I've resorted to buying Day Time Cold and Flu Relief liquid from Dollar General two bottles at a time, while beginning to wonder if it comes in a six-pack. And I'm sure the pharmacist is one visit away from cutting me off.
As I bought more meds the other afternoon, I was bemoaning my latest two-bottle purchase in this cold war when the Dollar General checkout clerk depressingly responded with "Oh, 'hon,' it took me a month to get rid of that."
I'm not sure whether it was that all-too-ubiquitous "hon" remark or the notion I could be facing two more weeks of this crud that made me feel worse than ever. It's as if I'd seen my own shadow on Groundhog's Day.
But optimistically, I've heard the Dos Equis man's charm is so contagious that vaccines have been created for it.
Perhaps we've stumbled onto the cure for the Putnam County Crud.
Yea, I don't often get sick ... but when I do ...